Hold Me
by sugarplumsenpai
Summary: Eren's embrace was like coming home to a perfect cup of roasted tea and a warming fireplace on a cold winter's day. Canonverse. [Written for Ereri Secret Santa 2017 on tumblr]


The hugs started after their first successful expedition together.

The first one, the very first, wasn't really a hug at all. Merely a touch on Levi's shoulder. A hand coming to a rest on his upper arm, holding him together for a second before letting go.

He was in the stables that evening, his clothes caked with multiple layers of sweat, summer dust, and blood. The gear was a weight of lead around his hips, with his body so depleted that he was tempted to let his knees give in, to lay down next to his mare where life was quiet and gentle. In this box, the war didn't exist. He wasn't Humanity's Strongest, the golden-painted hero. He was a companion to his horse—the one who fed her, the one who rubbed her ears, the exhausted one, the one who sought comfort and warmth from her.

Rest wouldn't come to him that night, regardless of how much he tried or where he bedded himself. Levi already knew it in the way his eyelids fell shut, only to feel restlessness course through his veins, his thoughts occupied with never-ending troubles. He'd take a long bath, brew himself a tea, and go through his paperwork, ticking off hours until morning.

"We made it, girl," he said, drawing a sugar cube out of his pocket, offering it to searching, puffing nostrils. He rested his brow against the long horse neck as she chewed. "You did good." Her familiar vitality was like a shield against the horrors, her peaceful snuffles a thread guiding his mind away from the battlefield.

At least they'd all come back alive this time.

Footsteps approached at his back. A friend, his instincts told him. _The_ friend. Familiar. Companion. Confidant. Mental guards ineffective. Levi let them fall, not turning around.

"Levi?" Eren said, his voice so lacking in vigour that Levi could see the markings etched into the skin under his eyes without having to look. His heavy boots took another step, and then the touch came.

Eren's palm was warm as it pressed against Levi's shoulder, long fingers wrapping around his sore muscles in a squeeze that was somehow both firm and careful, saying a thousand unneeded words at once. Levi nodded, feeling the parting of the touch like frost creeping over his spine, leaving him bleak and raw.

In hindsight, he thought he must have done something in his fatigue, let something on. He couldn't remember saying a word, turning to look Eren in the eye, or even moving at all. All he could remember was one moment later there was no distance between them anymore as he was enfolded in an embrace, reassuring and irresistibly disarming.

"Levi," was all Eren said.

Too tired to object, Levi's hands found a broad back, nails digging into the stiff fabric of a dirty jacket. He sank against Eren's comforting chest, not caring about their gear's buckles and straps digging awkwardly into his bones, their empty sword boxes being in the way, nor about the possibility of someone seeing him like this. Powerless, weak. Succumbing to gentle fingers running over his nape and a strong frame grounding him.

If he were to describe it, it was like coming home on a cold winter's day to a perfect cup of roasted tea and a warming fireplace. The thought would have scared him out of his mind right then and there if he'd had any energy left. Like this, he let himself breathe as time lost its meaning.

When they parted, Eren frowned at him, lips pressed together in worry, eyes studying Levi's face.

"You need dinner and rest," Levi said before Eren could suggest it first, regarding the lines on Eren's cheeks. The markings looked like fresh scars now. An angry, bulging red.

Eren smiled at the comment, a little shakily. "A shower too."

As if in agreement, Levi's mare snorted before puffing a stream of hot air into Levi's ear. Grateful, he reached up to stroke her proffered neck with an empty hand. "We do."

"I'll come by later," Eren offered.

"Yes," Levi said, watching him go, his hand still brushing over short horse hair.

Eren showed up at Levi's quarters when the sun bled into the horizon, sending her evening glow across the sky and lands. His hair was still damp when he stepped in after an announcing knock, the strands curling around his ears and in his nape. The Titan's traces on his cheeks had faded to mere shadows of pink by now, like new skin stretching over a freshly healed wound.

He placed a small, dented tin can onto the middle of the desk, sank into the chair facing Levi, and reached for a stack of paperwork while Levi poured him tea. "Thanks."

"Shortbread?" Levi asked after opening the tin can and inspecting its content.

"Yeah. I got them at the midsummer market again. They were good last time. If I knew we'd all come back alive today, I would have gotten those with chocolate."

Levi hummed, indulging in the blissful treat, sensing Eren's secretive smile. He gave the can a gentle push across the tabletop in a wordless demand, and Eren dug in with a pleased sigh, then nudged the box back to its prior position in the middle of the desk.

After taking a small, careful bite, Eren placed the remains of his biscuit onto his saucer, licked the buttery crumbs off his fingers, and opened his pen. Levi handed him the ink.

They worked in near silence, their scribbles scratching over paper, breaths in synchrony. Eren had removed his boots when he'd stepped in before, and every now and then his socked feet tapped on the floor in an irregular rhythm Levi knew inside out. If Eren stayed for chess later—no doubt he would today—he'd snuggle deeper into the chair, one foot resting on the sitting cushion while he chewed on his lips before every move on the board.

Night had darkened the office when Eren closed his pen, leaning back with a languid stretch. "Eleven pages. Sometimes I think the top brass must wipe their arses with these battle reports."

Levi snorted into his cup, setting it down empty before tending back to his own statement. "Wouldn't surprise me."

Eren grinned, stuffing a piece of shortbread from his saucer into his mouth. "The last one is yours. More tea?"

"I restocked the passion flower," Levi answered, refilling his pen. His own sleep was a lost cause, but maybe the calming herbs would help Eren to get some rest eventually that night.

Nodding, Eren rose to quietly rattle around in Levi's kitchen.

Screwing the lid back onto the ink jar, Levi listened to the familiar sounds. He couldn't even remember when Eren first stayed for the night. As with so many other rituals, he'd made it his own in his relentless way. It wasn't only futile to fend off, but Eren managed to make it seem like a good, reasonable idea. Just like the shared sweets after an expedition ("I like them. Have some too.") Or that hug. Levi could still feel the slender arms cradling him; they'd warmed his tired-cold limbs more than the bath earlier, or his tea.

Glancing at Eren's back as he poked the fire under the stove, Levi wondered if he'd ever feel that kind of repose again.

#

The second hug happened after the return from their next expedition. The contempt they met as they trailed back through the gates was palpable, though nothing new after experiencing heavy losses. They missed a half of the people they'd set out with in the morning.

Back at HQ, Levi spent as much time in the company of his mare as he could, rubbing her ears, brushing her sides, silently telling her the names of those who didn't suffer anymore. He gave her another sugar cube for her good service.

She flicked her ears, nuzzling his palm. Her quick reflexes had saved him today, as they already had before, and Levi listened to her peaceful sniffing and huffing, not allowing himself to think "what if…" It wouldn't help anyone.

The wayward thought came after all when he dragged himself to his quarters in need of a shower and some chamomile infusion. Eren was waiting at his door, already clean, his hair damp, eyes forlorn and a bit too shiny, albeit dry, his knuckle-white fingers clasped around the dented tin can.

"What if I lose him too, before going myself."

Eren only waited until Levi unlocked his door with unsteady hands to let them in. He didn't even set aside the biscuits before closing the door behind them and reaching for Levi with a choked gasp. It was different this time. Less a steadying embrace than a desperate need for hold in return as Eren's silent sobs began to shake them both, hot tears and snot soaking Levi's clothes. The edges of the tin can pressed against his shoulder blade. Levi didn't care.

Eren hadn't cried all the way back, had scowled at the hatred directed at them, fists clenched, eyes furious, yet quiet. Now he wept so hard as though he was mourning for the whole world. Sometimes Levi wondered if Eren truly did. It sure felt like it, as though Eren's shoulders solely broadened so they'd be able to carry even more sorrow than they already did. His roar always felt like the essence of humanity's pain, his tears like the sky falling down on them all, his guttural sounds right now like Levi was breaking too. Or maybe it was the other way around. Eren sometimes seemed to channel what Levi couldn't express on his own, laughing when Levi could only smile, showing kindness in public when it would have made Levi appear soft and weak. Giving Levi warmth with an embrace, when Levi didn't have anything to offer in return.

"Eren," Levi said. Crushed by a pair of stifling arms, he reached up with one hand to card his fingers through Eren's hair, settling for a spot in his neck that was tense with grief, rubbing little circles into Eren's muscles until the sobs would cease and hiccups would set in.

Eren smelled like soap and heartache, like strength crackling and forming anew.

"I'm here."

Eren sniffed and loosened the embrace. "I'm alright." His voice was still wet, the words thick with emotion. "Shortbread." He held out the can with the first jolt of his hiccup. "They're with chocolate this time."

Ignoring the treat, Levi brushed another falling tear off Eren's angular cheek. The last traces of baby fat which had long adorned his features had vanished for good the winter before, leaving a masculine jaw and a strong-willed chin. Eren flinched at the touch, staring.

Levi realised what he was doing and retracted his hand. "I'll clean myself up first."

Eren nodded, pulling back further to wipe his face with a sleeve. "Sorry."

Levi shook his head, frowning. "Don't be. Here." He offered his handkerchief.

Swollen, green eyes blinked at him through the last veil of despair, framed by puffy red and tear-clumped lashes, jerking at another hiccup. It should have been pitiful and pathetic. All Levi felt instead was an ache to fix it mingling with a distorted kind of pride for being granted this much trust. Apart from his remaining outbursts of ire from time to time, Eren made sure to let no one else witness his overflowing emotions these days.

Eren nodded once more and shot Levi a flicker of a thankful smile as he took the handkerchief. "Thanks," he said, patting his eyes and cheeks with a final, determined sniff. Then he pointed at Levi's left arm, expression adamant. "Now let me have a look at that."

"It's just a scratch," Levi protested, pointless as it was.

Lips pressed together, Eren already pulled at the lapel of his torn jacket, and Levi gave in. Stripped of his buckles and shirt, he scowled at the floor, forcing his breath to remain even, while Eren scanned his upper arm for damage.

Eren's gentle fingers palpated around the sore flesh of Levi's tricep, applying tender yet deliberately firm pressure. His hands were so big, a tempting source of warmth in the autumn cold air of Levi's unheated quarters.

Levi asked himself what it said about him that he couldn't ask for more, even now. He'd not even have to say it aloud. He'd only have to press closer into the touch, run his fingers back into Eren's hair, or lean in to nuzzle against Eren's muscular neck. Instead, he did nothing and remained silent while another setting sun sent dancing lights and shadows onto his wooden floor, stirred by an October wind. He couldn't help but think the golden-brown hues looked like Eren's hair when he whirled through the forest in spring.

Eren's breath fanned over his shoulder. Levi suppressed a shudder.

"It doesn't need stitching," Eren said, voice dark as he let go.

Levi could have told him so. The huge tooth had barely grazed his skin. It didn't even bleed. Not anymore.

"You should disinfect it, though," Eren continued. "She nearly got you."

"Well, she nearly got you too, that ugly fucker," Levi grunted. He could still smell the foul stench coming out of the Titan's throat before he'd cut her down.

"What if…"

"I'll make us some tea while you shower," Eren deflected. "Chamomile?"

Glaring daggers at his pallid reflexion after inspecting the wound in the bathroom mirror, Levi ordered himself to get a grip. They were both still here. It was all that mattered.

Jaded eyes blinked at him from the silver plated glass, judging, sneering. His chest still ached with the lost heat of Eren's strong body, his frame felt incoherent, and his heart gave a treacherous kick against his throat at every little sound from his kitchen.

Digging his fingertips into the cut on his arm, Levi closed his eyes.

He was in far more trouble than he'd ever wanted to be.

#

The third hug was a birthday gift. At least that's what Eren called it.

He knocked at Levi's door in the morning, surprising him with a bashful smile and a paper-wrapped something with a red ribbon in his hands.

"The fuck?" Levi said, crossing his arms.

"Um…Hanji told me?" Eren explained, squeezing his way through the gap in the doorway.

"Tch. Of course, she did."

"Why didn't you tell us before that this is your birthday?" Eren asked.

"Because I don't know for certain." It was the truth, just as Levi wasn't sure about his exact age either, but not knowing also saved him from the fuss.

Eren narrowed his eyes and cocked his head but quickly collected himself. "Well, anyway. This is for you." He held out the wrapped box.

"Who else knows?" Levi demanded. He usually celebrated by being dragged to a pub by Hanji and then dragging her drunk arse back to HQ some hours later. Hanji had been ordered to Mitras a couple of days earlier, though, and assuming the announced snowstorm would keep her there, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that she'd blabbed to someone. Or many.

Eren shrugged, unfazed. "Just Hanji and me, I suppose."

Appeased, Levi took the present. He pulled at the silky ribbon, broke open the seal, and blinked as a blue caddie with a small bird on the label appeared under the paper. He stared up at Eren.

"I saw you looking at it when we passed that tea place after broom shopping the other day, and I thought…well…" He broke off, letting the rest of the sentence hang in the air.

Levi swallowed. He couldn't accept this gift, it was far too expensive, but he couldn't reject it either. "You shouldn't have," he said.

Eren shrugged again. "I wanted to. Don't you like it?" He frowned. "The vendor promised this is a good one."

"That's not the point," Levi argued, irrelevant as it was. He wasn't stupid enough to refuse food. Or high-quality tea. He sighed, examining the beautiful label before meeting Eren's eyes again. "Alright. Have a seat then."

The tea was a delight. The roasted tea stems were still recognisable as such and not too dark, having the colour of old, well-tended saddle leather. Once brewed, the infusion shone in a bright amber colour, spreading a mild, toasty scent with the steam. It tasted mild too, yet rich, slightly sweet, and it put a surprised smile on Eren's face that was even better than the tea itself.

They drank it to a game of chess with the fire crackling happily in the hearth nearby while outside the blizzard raged across the land.

"You really don't know when your birthday is?" Eren asked when Levi took his remaining knight.

"No," Levi said. "Only vaguely."

Teeth letting go of his bottom lip, Eren frowned. "How did you celebrate it then? Before you joined the Corps, I mean."

"By not getting killed," Levi replied, giving a one-shouldered shrug at Eren's glance.

A multitude of reactions ghosted over Eren's face, all too fleeting to tell them apart. Eventually, he nodded, sucked his bottom lip back between his teeth, and redirected his attention to the chessboard, his fists tightening in his lap.

"One of my favourite childhood memories is from the birthday cake mum once made," he said after peering into his tea. "A small one with chocolate, just for the four of us—her, dad, Armin, and me." His brow knitted. "I still can smell it sometimes. Odd, huh?"

Tearing himself away from big green eyes, Levi reached for the teapot to refill first Eren's cup, then his own. "No. It's not odd."

Eren smiled.

I can still smell you too, Levi thought. You, your sweat, your strength, and the dirt on your shirt from when you held me close for the first time. The soap and your tears from the second. If you held me right now, you'd probably smell of tea, fire, and kindness.

By the time their game was over darkness had begun to claim the sky. It had been uninviting and gloomy outside all day, but now it became hard to see without lamps.

"I should get started on kitchen duty," Eren said, stretching the kinks out of his back as he rose from his chair. "Thank you for the tea."

"Thank you too," Levi said, rising as well to accompany Eren to the door.

Slipping into his boots, Eren grinned. "I'm glad it's this good."

"We could have another pot tomorrow." Levi folded his arms, jerking his chin towards the window. "Looks like we'll be snowed in for a few more days to come. And it shouldn't be saved so it won't spoil."

Eren's following beam could outshine the sun on a summer's day. "I'd like that."

Levi nodded, and whether because of the tea, the cosy day, or whatever, he managed to open his mouth again. "Thank you for today."

Eren stilled before his smile softened. "You're welcome." A ponderous gleam flitted over his eyes, and one moment later, Levi was gently enfolded by Eren's slender frame pressing him close.

Before he could give his permission, his arms already hugged back, falling open to invite Eren in. Eren was warm and strong. His nose pressed against the top of Levi's hair in a way that told him Eren was still smiling. Eren's fingers rubbed tender circles into Levi's nape and his shoulder blades, Levi's own face pressing into Eren's chest. God, Eren felt good!

Eren breathed in and breathed out. Breathed in again. "Let me be there for you too sometimes, okay?"

The request was so quiet that it got almost muffled by Levi's own hair. He couldn't object, didn't even seem to know what words were anymore. He'd never wanted to kiss anyone so bad. To make Eren shut up or to keep him here in his arms, Levi didn't even know anymore either.

"Happy birthday, Levi," Eren said, hugging Levi closer.

Levi's heart leapt.

Eren smelled like tea, fire, and kindness.

"What if…"

#

After that day, their hugs became more frequent.

After training, Eren would follow Levi to his quarters, as he used to before. Yet now he'd sometimes fold him into his arms, and they'd remain like this until one of them would loosen their hold.

The contact became more dangerous too. Levi's body would go pliant against Eren's chest. With every further embrace, he became more addicted to how Eren felt.

After a few times, he knew the best position for his arms around Eren's slim waist. The perfect spots for his hands on Eren's back, the right angle for his head, the most wonderful place for his ear to listen to Eren's pulse until his own would throb in the exact same rhythm. He became accustomed to Eren's scent, dragging it in stealthily at first, but soon unrestricted, deep, and savouring, as though being offered a ripe, juicy apple after weeks without food.

In return, Eren continued to nuzzle into the top of Levi's head, whispering his name against his hair, and apparently finding balance in stroking Levi's back and neck with his big hands.

Eren's body seemed to be made to hold Levi. So warm that Levi missed the heat the moment they parted until it would be back against his chest. He caught himself dreaming of Eren's heartbeat, not only when he was nearby Eren during the days, but also at night when Eren kept him company at his desk. Or when Levi was alone, brooding into his unshared cup of cooling tea.

The display of care was more than he'd ever known. More than he'd ever wanted or foolishly wished for since a long time ago. The problem was, Levi had to admit as another month passed, he never wanted to miss it again. Worse even, it might not be enough any longer.

Before Eren, the sole contact with living warmth Levi had known had been a handshake at most, or the soft, huffing nose of a horse searching his palm for some sugar. He'd been alright with that, telling himself he didn't need anything else, not to mention someone. Levi was strong after all. The strongest, supposedly. He didn't need someone to coddle him, to be kind to him, to make him do soppy shit like Connie and Sasha did, or to tell him sweet promises that were all lies. With every embrace Eren offered, though, Levi's mind ran away a bit further to unspeakable things, forbidden things, outrageous, saturnine fantasies. And as if that wasn't bad enough already, the shameful pictures laced more and more with others which were almost innocent in comparison, though not less alarming.

Eren sleeping in Levi's unused bed with his untamed hair fanning across Levi's pillow in wild locks. Morning-stubbled smiles over tea. Eren laying on Levi's bed again, with Levi draped across Eren's chest, Eren stroking Levi's bare back with warm, gentle fingertips, thawing Levi's heart. Eren's hand wrapped around his before they fell asleep. He must be an old fool.

He must be a fool for never initiating their embraces too, and a coward, he thought as winter melted into spring. It was always Eren to reach out, never failing in finding the perfect, undisturbed moment: In the stables a few more times. Mostly in Levi's office. In a deserted corridor after a weekend which had given Levi two hours of sleep in total as he was on his way to a meeting. On the roof one time, where they tended to meet late at night whenever the walls of HQ felt too restricting.

Eren never asked for more. He never crossed a line. He never asked why Levi didn't push him away and never asked why Levi let the embraces happen either. It wasn't fair. Eren gave so much, perhaps didn't even know what Levi received with each embrace without ever giving anything back, always taking.

What was he worth for someone like Eren anyway?

#

"More tea?" Levi asked.

Eren rubbed his red-rimmed eyes over faded Titan marks and yawned. "Yes, please." He shifted in his chair.

Levi outstretched a hand to hold him back, already standing. "Let me." He took the empty pot next to the chessboard and padded into his kitchen. "You can set up the game again in the meantime."

The fire in the stove had burnt down to a mere glimmer of ash, so he added two fresh logs before filling the kettle with fresh water and setting it on the bright flame. He skimmed the collection of caddies on the nearby shelf for inspiration, letting his fingertips brush over fading labels and cool tin, stopping at the drawing of a small bird. Smiling, he took it from its place, opening it to marvel at the decreasing content. It nearly drew to a close. Two pots left, Levi estimated. He'd shared every infusion with Eren, no exceptions.

After spooning the needed amount of leaves into the sieve, he stepped closer to the stove, waiting for the water to boil. March was already advanced, with the first trees close to showing their delicate green during the daytime, but this night brought the frost back. It gnawed at the massive stone walls of HQ, sending fresh snowflakes over the first messengers of spring in icy blows. Levi's tiredness didn't help. His muscles wanted to shiver in need of warmth, his heavy eyelids rubbed over sore eyeballs with every blink.

Eren looked like he was sleepwalking too. After experiment-heavy days his dreams were especially bad, so he tried not to rest if he could help it and their schedule would allow it, letting himself be knocked out by fatigue on the following day instead. Levi didn't like it, but Eren wouldn't listen, even if Levi sent him to his chambers. He'd rather watch over him during those nights than worry about Eren doing something reckless.

While the tea steeped, Levi searched his pantry for some storage apples to cut into slices. He removed the sieve from the teapot, letting it give off every last amber-coloured drop of precious infusion, fetched the plate with the food, and went back to Eren. He had reset their pieces and turned over the chessboard, looking up as Levi approached.

"Apples," he sighed with a smile. "So good."

"I've got more, so eat," Levi said, pouring tea into their cups before taking his seat.

Chewing on a mouthful of fruit, Eren moved a white pawn. Then he noticed the tea. "This was supposed to be yours."

"It is, and I do with it what I want," Levi replied, moving a black pawn across the board.

Eren's body twitched, demanding sleep. He cleared his throat and smiled. "Thank you."

Levi frowned. He wished Eren would take better care of himself, but it wasn't like Levi set a good example in this particular field.

A forceful gust of wind whipped through the trees outside, having Levi suppress another shiver.

"Maybe we'll get snowed in again," Eren said, tactfully telling Levi he noticed without actually saying it out loud.

Levi snorted. "Stuck here with Hanji? Hopefully not."

Eren grinned, not fooled one bit, and reached for a second apple slice, crunching it as he moved another pawn.

Seeing him rub his eyes again, Levi wondered if he'd looked similar when Eren first pulled him into his arms in the stables that day. Eren still had more vigour, more smiles. Yet his shoulders were tense, and there was a haunted glimmer somewhere in his usually so bright eyes which told of his threatening nightmares. Maybe he even had visions right now, awake or not. He'd learned to not let it on too much when he experienced them; it was not that anyone could do anything about it. At least Hanji had found out the lifespan theory had been full of hot air a little less than a year ago.

Instead of being joyful about it, Eren had raged and yelled at the news, furious about so many more lives lost to lies and deceit. Levi had taken him into the woods that day, letting Eren attack dummies and run it off until his body had given out under exhaustion. Levi had watched him from the treetops the whole time, unable to turn his eyes away, his guts wrenching with relief and understanding alike.

Feeling a toe poke against his shin, Levi blinked, snapping back to the present.

"Apple?" Eren asked, brows drawn together in an unspoken "Are you alright?"

"Fine," Levi said, took a slice for himself, and made a move on the chessboard.

An hour later, he was back in the kitchen, emptying his fruit basket. Another sixty minutes later, the third, and last, infusion of the tea was gone too.

Eren's sleep-deprived twitching had increased, his stubborn scowl deepened, and Levi decided it was time for chocolate. "Be right back," he said, leaving for HQ's kitchen.

When he reentered his quarters, Eren had left his chair to clean the teacups plus pot and was towelling them dry. He spotted the small bottle of cream and when Levi produced a bar of chocolate from his pantry, Eren beamed, too drained to complain about being fussed over.

"Fetch a pot," Levi said.

Levi chopped the chocolate while Eren stirred the heating cream. From time to time his index finger dipped into the empty bottle, searching for residues of the fattier part to lick it off with a satisfied sigh.

"Cinnamon?" Levi asked as he added the chips to the pan.

Eren reached for the spice can, dragging in a deep breath with a tiny, quiet smile as cocoa and spices filled the kitchen with their soothing scent.

They drank slowly, standing in front of the kitchen window and looking at the continued mingling of spring with winter outside.

"It's beautiful somehow, isn't it?" Eren asked. "I loved the snow when I was a kid. One winter the river in Shingashina froze so thoroughly that we could ice skate on it."

"Mm."

Sometimes Levi wondered if Eren shared these snippets of his childhood with him so he'd have some memories of a youth atop the Underground as well. They weren't his own, of course, but when Eren told them, it always felt like it. Levi could see it all unfold, could feel the frost biting on his face as a young, excited Eren pointed at the frozen landscape, falling down in his eagerness to learn ice skating, and stubbornly standing up again to give it another go. Armin carefully moving over the ice not too far away, telling Eren to take things slower without success. Mikasa swirling over the ice as though she was born to do so, having a silent yet watchful eye on them both.

Levi smiled into his cinnamon and cocoa-enriched drink. "Thank you," he thought, once more selfishly taking everything. At least this time he had the chocolate to reciprocate.

The sugar and fat seemed to help in lifting the worst shadows hanging over Eren, but the tension in his shoulders remained, as did the grim line of his mouth. It wasn't right. Levi wanted to take it all, to make it go away, or at least ease the hardship, as Eren had done for him so many times.

Eren twitched next to him, his body sagging and instantly jerking awake again, nearly spilling chocolate. Scowling at himself, he cradled the mug with white knuckles as though it could heat him up.

Later, Levi would blame his own tiredness whilst musing that as much as he loathed his insomnia, it had given him the world. Right now he didn't even much think about it, instinct taking over.

He set aside his half-empty cup, reached for Eren's to pry it out of his cramped hands and set it beside his own. He frowned up at Eren, took him by his wrist to make him turn, and slotted himself against Eren's front.

Let me be there for you sometimes too.

Eren shivered in his arms before he leaned in. He buried his nose in Levi's hair, sighed, and pressed Levi so firmly against him, as though he wanted them to merge.

"I've got you," Levi said.

Eren caved in in an instant, letting himself sink into Levi's embrace, breaths deepening as he clung to him. He smelled like chocolate and cinnamon this time, like strain, but also like hope and kindness. Like Eren. He took another long breath against Levi's chest, his pulse slightly speeding up against Levi's ear as Eren's fingers clenched tight, bunching the fabric of Levi's shirt.

"I love you." His voice was worn down, yet soft, solemn, and clear. The words brave, bold, and beautiful, just like Eren himself. They weren't even demanding. They were a mere statement. A gift. A truth too rare and precious to not be shared.

"I love you too," Levi said, silently cursing his tightened throat for cutting him off towards the end.

"Good." Eren's arms wrapped closer around Levi as an unchecked chuckle escaped his chest, shaking them both. Eren was the first person Levi knew who could laugh a word and make it glow. "Good," he said again. Then he leant back.

Eren smiled, his hands sliding down until they came to a rest on Levi's hips, thumbs drawing small tingling circles on his belly. Green eyes fluttered shut as Eren lowered his head to let warm, gentle lips brush over Levi's left temple and down his cheekbone.

Skin prickling under goosebumps crawling over his chest, Levi caught Eren's neck and pulled him down. Eren made a needy sound in the back of his throat, and then they were kissing ravenously, Levi's hand deep in Eren's hair, Eren's hands tearing at Levi's clothes, his hips pressing close. Their teeth clicked against each other with a bump of their noses, and Eren drew apart, stifling a fit of exhausted laughter in Levi's neck.

Letting him compose himself, Levi pat his hair.

"You should get some sleep," he said when Eren straightened back up, tracing the shadows under Eren's eyes that resembled his own tonight. "You won't get through the whole day like this."

"I know," Eren said, his mouth wet and eyes glittering with fondness. "You too."

Levi searched his eyes, then tugged him back against his mouth.

Eren's lips were firm yet soft, his tongue wet and irresistibly hot, gliding over Levi's before allowing him to chase Eren back, slowly now, wanting to enjoy every second. Eren sighed, melting against him. Eren's hands rested on his waist, nails biting into Levi's flesh over his hip bones before slipping up under the fabric to let smooth thumbs brush over Levi's ribs. Levi kissed on, adoring the sensation of Eren's wild locks around his fingers, losing himself in Eren's scent, his bittersweet taste, his strength, his little gasps, the daring touches of his big hands. It felt like floating.

He didn't know how long they stood like this. Time never followed natural rules in Eren's embrace; it seemed to bend and stretch into an unpredictable force. When they parted he was warmed all the way through, the snow outside was still falling in the black spring night, and Eren was still in his arms, gorgeous.

"Come," Levi said.

Mugs of chocolate forgotten on the worktop, they went into the bedroom, Eren's hand clasped tight around Levi's. The door closed behind them, and Eren pulled Levi into another kiss.

Messing up Eren's already dishevelled hair even further, Levi tugged Eren's shirt over his head, carelessly discarding the piece of clothing to the floor as Eren's fingers fumbled with the small buttons of his shirt. Levi helped, shrugging the thing off his shoulders only far enough so Eren could do the rest as Levi guided them to the bed.

When had he last laid down on a soft surface? The yielding mattress and cool sheets felt foreign to Levi as he drew Eren on top of himself. His heart hammered loudly in his ears, his senses expanded, making everything brighter, more intense. His skin was burning hot with unease, close to hurting.

Eren's warm palms roamed over Levi's torso, fingertips dipping into the curves of muscles, tracing scars, exploring his throat, lingering there when Levi's breath hitched. Wherever they trailed on, they left patches of cold which flared up from anew when Eren's lips followed, placing tender kisses.

"Eren."

It was almost scary how easy it was to let himself be touched like this. It was scary how easy it was to meet Eren's glances too, their intense green soaking up every tiniest reaction, attentive eyes checking for allowance and assuring safety in return. Their curious examination was like a physical caress, not just on Levi's skin but deeper, below his surface, stirring secrets no one had ever seen before. It was maddening. It was beautiful.

Levi tried to give it all back, let his calluses glide over smooth muscles that quivered under the contact. His fingertips pursued the enticing half-moon of Eren's belly button, his insides clenching with devotion when Eren laughed as Levi dipped into it, ticklish. He moved onwards, over ribs, collarbones, and after an encouraging "please!" from Eren let his rough hands slip under a waistband.

"Yes," Eren whimpered. "Oh, thank god!"

It was scary to undress completely, making himself bare and vulnerable, but it was easy when Eren smiled and pushed against Levi so hot and hard it made them both groan.

"Yes." Eren grinned wider, shaking above Levi on his knees. He pushed again with lust-clouded eyes, his arousal gliding over Levi's, then a third time, and Levi stopped worrying, thinking only about how good it felt.

The sheets had become a warm shield beneath him. The wooden bed frame creaked with every glorious roll of Eren's hips, mingling with their quickening breaths, their gasps, and whispered words of encouragement. Eren was strong, his arse firm, his back broad, perfect to hold on to with sweat-slippery fingers. His bright smile was a guiding light, a grounding force, the spark that ignited every single nerve ending until Levi was on fire. Every sensation accumulated to more, yes, please, winding up the pleasantly coiling ache inside Levi until he was close to flying apart.

Teetering towards the edge, he found Eren's eyes. Eren was safety and kindness. It was alright to let go.

Levi did.

#

"I'm sorry I had no oil," Levi said afterwards, one arm sprawled across Eren's waist, their legs intertwined in an easy tangle. His head rested on Eren's shoulder.

They'd left the bed to clean themselves up and to finish their, now cold, drinks before falling back onto the mattress, Eren drawing Levi against his chest with a mumbled "too far away."

"I'm good," Eren said, his low voice a velvety, content hum against Levi's ear. His fingers ran through Levi's strands, massaging his scalp. "We can change that and fuck tomorrow."

"Mm." He was blissfully spent, the heaviness of post-coital repose spreading out over him, enhanced by Eren's embrace and his lulling touches. "We can."

His warm fingers came to a rest on Levi's nape, playing with his stubble there. Eren grinned against the top of his head. "I can't wait to hear you scream my name."

Untrained laughter escaped Levi's chest, rocking them both. He wrapped both his arms tighter around Eren, not minding the awkward angle. "Presumptuous brat."

Eren chuckled, puffing his amusement into Levi's hair. "Yeah, yeah." His hand drew tender, possessive lines across Levi's spine. "We can take turns. Your stamina is better than mine anyway."

Snorting into the crook of Eren's neck, Levi shuddered. Cold.

"Let me." Eren drew the blanket over them both before continuing his caress. Better.

Eren was warmth. His heartbeat so alive. His uninhibited yawn so wonderfully real.

Not close enough.

Levi huddled even closer.

Eren pressed a smile against Levi's brow. "I'll spoil you rotten now. You know that, right?"

Not knowing how to respond, Levi kissed Eren's throat. "Go to sleep."

"Yes, Captain."

A second later, Eren's breath deepened, the tension slipping out of his muscles. Defenseless, trusting, at peace.

Levi blinked into the darkness, marvelling at Eren's easy rest. Had something as simple as proximity been a solution against Eren's nightmares all along?

Protection, Levi thought, sinking back into the shelter of Eren's embrace. He could offer that. Holding on tight, he breathed in and let himself drift away too.


End file.
